Are things really that bad?

I was hungry the other night and decided to go to Taco Bell because, well, it was cheap. It’s bad enough that I’m resorting to saving money by eating at Taco Bell, but you know things are really bad when even they’re cutting back.  What have we come to expect from a Taco Bell taco?

• 100% USDA Choice Grade D meat, a step above dog food
• Partially stale hard or soft shell
• Cheese
• Cost at less than $1.00
• Lettuce
• Approximately 283 packets of hot sauce

Figure 1 - Puke. Eh, I'll eat it anyway.

To my disdain, upon opening my taco, I found that there was no lettuce (see the opposite of appetizing in Figure 1).  A head of lettuce costs about $1.00 at the grocery store.  Taco Bell, a fast food chain, probably gets them at a bulk discount, maybe at $0.85 a head.  Is the economy so in the tank that I can’t get my expected 15 shards of lettuce on my parasite infested taco? I mean, I’m trying to be health conscious here.  Without lettuce, I’m eating grade D meat on what I assume is some form of a Mexican cracker with a bunch of cheese.  As a side note, “Mexican cracker” is a slight oxymoron, and it makes me giggle.

What does not rouse a guffaw from my gullet is being deprived of my greens on my taco. This increases the likelihood that my colon will become detached from my gullet.  Furthermore, what the fuck is a gullet?  Back to the topic at hand.  I also did not receive my suitcase of various hot sauces. I was merely given enough hot sauce to evenly spread over my three tacos.  Though most of the aforementioned taco criteria had been met, enough had been omitted to make me realize we may be in a recession.  If things are really this bad, I need to start exploring effective ways to make my money work for me that don’t also give me explosive, uncontrollable diarrhea.