So I was playing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES over the weekend.  Aside from remembering how much harder video games were when I was a kid, I caught myself reciting the theme song to the 80s cartoon under my breath.  It was at this point that I realized that the entire chorus of the song was the name of the show repeated over and over. As a kid, this type of introduction not only got me singing along in my pajamas on Saturday mornings but jumping up and down like such a spaz that by the start of the show, I was covered in the hearts, stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, and red balloons of my once undisturbed bowl of Lucky Charms.  I was adorable, hyperactive, and magically delicious.

This method of theme song writing was extremely effective in drilling the name of the show into my head, making me want to watch it, and especially giving me the vital tools necessary to annoy my parents in toy stores and anywhere else I existed. After a little research, I found that many other shows meant for children employ this methodology in getting kids obsessed with watching them.  Here’s a list of 8 that I thought were especially effective:

8. Animaniacs

Though only saying the name of the show six times in the minute-long theme song, “Animaniacs” does a very effective job of grabbing the attention of kids and introducing the show and its characters to them. This introduction also repeatedly shows the program’s title logo when saying the name of the show to establish association between the two, much like another Warner Brothers’ show, Tiny Toons. Also like Tiny Toons, the Animaniacs introduction, as previously mentioned, finds the time to introduce different characters, their motives, quirks, and ability to dress themselves.  Notice how Wakko wears no pants, but Yakko and Dot go topless?

7. Duck Tales

The Duck Tales theme song is like “Sweet Caroline” for kindergartners. Like the irresistable urge for adults to belt “Ba Ba Ba” during the Neil Diamond single, what kid is uncompliant in serving up an enthusiastic “Woo hoo!” after someone says “Duck Tales”?  The show’s name is said a total of seven times during the introduction, though the word “duck” is said enough times to put you under your coffee table by the time it’s over.  Duck Tales is even more worthy of the “Indiana Jones” font it uses than George Lucas’s latest attempt at making me cry.

6. Power Rangers

I still have no idea what the appeal was of this show, aside from the Voltron-esque Megazord, but I watched it nonetheless.Power Rangers most certainly started off on the right foot with its fast paced theme song consisting of “Go, go, Power Rangers” repeatedly.   This show was cheezy, had incredibly low production value, and entrusted the fate of the world to “teenagers with attitude.”  This song had the same effect as two pounds of Sour Patch Kids on any unsuspecting young viewer, and they were not likely to forget what they were watching as “Power Rangers” is said a total of eight times.

5. Spongebob Squarepants

The Spongebob Squarepants introduction is a total of about forty-four seconds, with the first twelve being devoted to the “captain” asking the viewing children if they’re ready for the show.  Given that, during the rest of the introduction they say “Spongebob Squarepants” eight times in about thirty-two seconds, or about once every four seconds. This alone should place Spongebob and Patrick higher in the list, but if you have young siblings, cousins, or own an ice cream truck, I’m sure you’d agree that this show needs no further promotion.

4. Transformers

Transformers at number four?  They only say “Transformers” four times in thirty-four seconds, so why does this belong on the list?  Let’s get something straight here.  You’re six years old and you see your hot wheels turn into laser-wielding robots.  Either you just gave your parents a reason to reconsider taking you off diapers or you just got your first boner. Either way, you’re not easily forgetting about the first time you saw this.

3. G.I. Joe

So my parents wouldn’t let me and my brothers watch G.I. Joe because of all of guns. Lame right?  Despite that, for some reason they had no problem with us going outside and regularly beating the shit out of each other with sticks.  Regardless of my own shortcomings as a child, I am quite aware that the omission of G.I. Joe from this list would be a sin. This, and the fact that “G.I. Joe” is said nine times during the show’s introduction makes it worthy of this list.  The G.I. Joe theme song alone makes me want to wrap myself naked in the American flag while eating a cheeseburger and pleasuring myself to the Star Spangled Banner.

2. Thundercats

Thundercats is an unforgettable cartoon, and its theme song even moreso.  Nearly the entire introduction to the show consists of the word “Thundercats” (ten times) or the concatenated “thunder” (fifteen times).  Throw in some electric guitar, and no self respecting first grader would ever want to hear “Wheels On the Bus” again.

1. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Was there really any question?  Here is the chorus to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song:

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half-shell
Turtle power!

Not only this, but the name of the show is said twice in between verses and in the background during verses, accounting for a total of twelve times in sixty seconds, or once every five seconds. Given that the name of the show is eight syllables long, this is quite impressive.  I have no idea how they made this show so successful, but I think this theme song had something to do with it.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles took turtles, probably the slowest and most boring creatures on earth, and made them sociable, pizza-loving, bipedal ninjas…and kids loved it.