Figure 1 - It wouldn't be the first time a woman made mostly of plastic had to talk her way out of a ticket.

A friend sent me a picture (The previously un-doctored image in Figure 1) of an unusual curbside marking near his work.  I’m not sure what was necessarily meant by the yellow paint on the curb, but the only drivers this will deter from parking in this spot are action figures and chipmunks that can pass a maneuverability test.

For anyone preparing to comment that the Barbie car in the picture is not to scale, save it.  If it were, you wouldn’t be able to see it.  I’ve made quite clear my stance on PhotoShop accusations in the past.

Perhaps this was meant to be a future site of a fire hydrant, lemonade stand, or roadside porta-pottie.  Either way, if you see this keep the throttle full on your big wheel.

Click the picture to enlarge.

Figure 1 - Is the Wells Fargo wagon a victim of dysentery, or just lacking a sense of direction?

The hardest part of this hell is remembering everything your address is tied to, so I started making a list of everything.  As I moved down the list, I realized some organizations make this process easier than others.  There were actually a couple of places that I literally could not, based on policy, update my address online.  Really.  I’m serious.  I couldn’t update my Wells Fargo credit card’s address online either, but not because of policy.  It’s because their website is complete and utter shit.  Well, it was.  I say that because the shit site I used to sign on to was no longer there.  POOF!!! Gone.  I found another website for Wells Fargo cards–that’s right, they have different sites for each different type of account–but couldn’t get it to accept any of my credentials.  I swallowed my pride and picked up the phone to call customer service…for a credit card company.

Mind you, some credit card companies have some decent customer service.  They’re based somewhere between out of my ass and Neverland.  Wells Fargo has been especially (***SARCASM ALERT***) awesome during my tenure as a cardholder.  I’ve carried a zero balance for some time now, so like any credit card company with a fiscally responsible customer, they solicit the piss out of me, trying to sell me identity theft protection, insurance policies, and even asking me, a customer with a paid off credit card, why I’m not charging anything.  Oh, you’re right, I love finance charges…off to the mall!!!

But I digress.  I apologize for the rant, but I don’t do well with credit card customer service.  Anyway, I changed my address over the phone.  A few weeks later, Wells Fargo sent me a confirmation letter of my address change…to my old address (Figure 2).

[Five minute head banging against desk session]

Granted, this was one of the less painful experiences I’d had with credit card companies, but it was also one of the dumbest.

If you’re brave enough, leave your own customer service experiences with credit card companies in the comments.

Figure 2 - Kind of defeats the purpose, doesn't it?

Figure 1 - I wouldn't be surprised if there's a chicken nugget somewhere in there.

The Big Mac is a sandwich so popular that it has its own jingle.  I have never worked at a McDonald’s and even I know what goes on a Big Mac.  Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun.  Good, we all know that one.  I hope whoever screwed this sandwich up does not have lofty goals in life.  Of course, when you pay someone minimum wage, you can’t expect your employees are going to be above doing half ass work and doing whippits in the cooler.  Perhaps this particular employee is just putting forth the appropriate effort that aligns with his or her wages.  In that case, I applaud the fast food fuck-up.

I don’t know what special sauce is, nor do I want to know what makes it special.

Figure 1 - So amazing that I can't come up with a better caption than this one.

Notice the lower left pizza bagel is flipped upside down? Amazing, huh?  Well, it’s not, but his contribution to reliving the spirit of my original post is appreciated.  If this post is anything like the other one, I expect plenty of comments regarding how easy it would be to fake this by manually flipping a pizza bagel in the loose packaging, whereas Fig Newtons come in a vacuum sealed wrapper.  I also expect comments on how I “Photoshopped” the image.

I also hope, that one day, everyone is able to successfully locate their sense of humor.

I’m really dumbfounded at how the internet community decides what succeeds. My most popular post on this site is one about an oversight in food packaging.  I sure am glad I do this mostly for fun. Otherwise, I probably could not afford pizza bagels, and I think they’re just freaking delicious.

]]> http://www.2lincolns.com/2009/07/20/pizza-bagels-be-flippin-out-yo/feed/ 5 http://www.2lincolns.com/2009/05/27/lord-of-the-rings-leather-beer-mug-best-gift-ever/ http://www.2lincolns.com/2009/05/27/lord-of-the-rings-leather-beer-mug-best-gift-ever/#comments Thu, 28 May 2009 00:58:22 +0000 Jeff http://www.2lincolns.com/?p=1074

Figure 1 - I feel like I'm several feet shorter at the Prancing Pony every time I tip one back these days.

I had been wanting to go to the flea market for awhile to get some Dremel bits, old video games, and whatever other treasures and deals I could unearth.  I planned on going one Saturday awhile back when my girlfriend approached me about going to a renaissance fair. I’ve been to a renaissance fair before, and decided I had gotten my fill.  She was already planning on going with one of her girlfriends anyway, so declining wasn’t that big a deal.

It’s not that I don’t like the idea of a renaissance fair, it’s the fact that people who will not break character when talking to me creep me out. There comes a point where the novelty wears off and you just start scaring me.  Plus, if you’re going to go all out, at least be as historically accurate as possible.  I mean, some witch burnings, beheadings, and plagued villagers would certainly add some credibility, but then nobody would want to come back, which means there wouldn’t be any renaissance fairs. Okay, sounds good.

I’m not completely against renaissance fairs, though, as they do have their definite positives. These festivals usually have an abundance of good food and beer, as well as a lot of cool stuff to buy.  How many other places do you know where you can buy swords, axes, and chain mail? I was also aware that they sold beer mugs at these events, but figured they were no better than anything you’d find at your local Oktoberfest.  What my girlfriend returned with proved me dead wrong.

Upon her return, my girlfriend greeted me with something I did not see at the flea market: the leather beer mug you see in Figure 1. On it, the creator has hand painted the Tengwar inscription in the black speech of Mordor that is present on the One Ring from The Lord Of the Rings.  I’ve compared it with the actual text (Figure 2), and it is verbatim save a brushstroke here or there. The mug is waxed on the inside to prevent leaks and the leather from absorbing flavor.  The bottom is wood.  It’s washed with a small amount of soap and warm water.  The creators of the mug also guarantee their products for life, and will even re-wax them.  Such craftsmanship is worthy of advertisement, so head on over to Ye Dragon & Unicorn and get one yourself.

Figure 2 - One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

Naturally, my first response upon receiving this was “[Gollum voice] My preccccccccciousssssssssssssss!!!”